Working Caregivers: The Invisible Employees

The Beautiful Side of Caregiving: Living with Meaning as a Working Caregiver

• Selma Archer & Zack Demopoulos • Season 1 • Episode 18

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In this episode, we sit down with the incredibly inspiring Ebony Travis Tichenor, a powerhouse advocate for working caregivers and someone who truly lives her life out loud. Ebony shares her deeply personal and powerful 17-year caregiving journey for her mother, all while balancing a full-time career and a full heart. We dive into what caregiving really looks like behind the scenes — the highs, the heartaches, and the healing — and how vulnerability has become one of her biggest strengths.

We talk about the unspoken emotional toll that working caregivers face and how important it is to find your voice, ask for help, and protect your joy. Ebony opens up about everything from the stigma around caregiving in the workplace to the little rituals of self-care that keep her grounded. 

In corporate for almost 28 years this October, Ebony’s journey is grounded in resilience, identity, and heart. Born in Joliet, Illinois and raised in small-town South Texas, she proudly embraces her Black and Mexican heritage. Beyond the day-to-day, she loves caring for her mother as a devoted caregiver, being a loving spouse, fur baby momma, and a loyal friend to many. Ebony believes in real connection, purpose, and the power of showing up as your authentic self.


Episode Highlights:

[1:39] - Zack and Selma introduce Ebony and set the stage for an energetic and heartfelt conversation.
[2:56] - Ebony shares where she’s from and opens up with humor about Dallas and the Cowboys.
[3:48] - Her 17-year journey as a caregiver begins, sparked by a turning point in her youth.
[5:30] - Navigating the healthcare system and how identity impacted her early caregiver advocacy.
[6:53] - What inspired Ebony’s vulnerable National Caregiver Day post and her decision to speak up.
[8:16] - One of Ebony’s most emotionally difficult moments as a caregiver and how she overcame it.
[10:35] - How self-care fuels her caregiving and the special joy she finds in daily moments with her mom.
[13:35] - Advice she’d give to her younger self at the beginning of this journey — and to other caregivers.
[15:57] - The importance of being honest with employers about caregiving responsibilities
[17:49] - How Ebony overcame the stigma of caregiving through community and shared stories.
[19:29] - Zack and Ebony discuss shifting cultural perceptions of caregiving in the workplace.
[20:09] - Tips for employers to create a culture where caregivers feel safe speaking up.
[21:07] - Where to follow Ebony and continue learning from her empowering story.

 

Links & Resources:

If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to follow the podcast and leave a review. Remember to check out our website at invisibleemployeeadvocates.com for more resources, and subscribe to our newsletter for updates! We’ll catch you in the next episode.

Selma:

What gives you joy in taking care of your mom from moment to moment, day to day? And I'm

Ebony Travis Tichenor:

glad you asked that, because the first thing I will say is what keeps me grounded is that my family knows I must take care of me before I can pour into any and everyone else. Because, you know, self care, it's not selfish. We're not selfish by trying to make sure we're pouring into ourselves before we can go pour into others. Because imagine when you don't do that, how you feel resentful, angry, mad, you're short tempered. You're not authentically there and really showing empathy for what's going on. But man, when you take care of you. So those moments of joy with my mom is when she knows it and she senses that I am all in the joys are watching her be excited because I want to spend time with her, not because I have to. It's because I want to. Did you know

Unknown:

that in 2020 there were 53 million caregivers in the United States, and by 2025, this number is expected to grow to 62, point 5,000,073% of these caregivers also have a job. They are called Working caregivers, and they are invisible because they don't talk about their caregiving challenges. Working caregivers. The Invisible employees is a podcast that will show you how to support working caregivers. Join Selma Archer and Zach demopoulos on the working caregivers the invisible employees podcast as they show you how to support working caregivers.

Zack Demopoulos:

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. From wherever you are listening from we thank you for subscribing and listening to the working caregivers, the invisible employee Podcast. I'm Zach Dimopoulos and I'm Selma Archer. Selma, how are you?

Selma:

I'm great. How you doing partner? I'm doing

Zack Demopoulos:

good partner. Doing fantastic. We just keep getting great guests on our show, and buckle up everybody, because this, this guest is going to be full of energy, and we just love her to death. You know, some, you know, I'm a big LinkedIn guy, and during National caregiver day, I was going through a lot of posts just to see what everybody was saying. And the guest we're about to have her post was amazing. It pulled at my heart strings, and you're going to find out why. So enough of a teaser. Let's bring on ebony Travis. Yeah, Hi

Ebony Travis Tichenor:

there everybody.

Selma:

It's good. Hi ebony. Welcome. Thank you.

Ebony Travis Tichenor:

Thank you.

Zack Demopoulos:

Thanks for being here, ebony. We so much. Enjoy your posts, and for those of you listening, I'll be adding links as we go, but definitely check out ebony on her LinkedIn profile and her posts. She's She's got some really great authentic posts, which I really, really enjoy. So ebony, you You reside where

Ebony Travis Tichenor:

I reside in Dallas, Texas. You're in Dallas,

Zack Demopoulos:

Texas. Well, tell I mean, everybody is probably familiar with Dallas, but I bet you know something that maybe most people do you share something interesting about Dallas.

Ebony Travis Tichenor:

Wow, other than our Dallas Cowboys aren't doing so well. I got nothing else for you right now. You know we need to level up. Okay, we need to level up, all right, as someone who is a former you know, DCC, we need to level up. Okay, used to cheer and raw for them. So okay,

Zack Demopoulos:

we'll move on from that one. Thank you. Okay, all right, let's get right into this ebony you are a caregiver, obviously, because that's how I found you with a beautiful picture of your mom, Paula, and so tell us a little bit about your caregiver journey, if you could, especially as a working caregiver. Yeah,

Ebony Travis Tichenor:

it's a really good question. I appreciate you asking that. You know, the journey began is one that it just kind of happens, right? It's, it's not something that you plan for, if you think about it, a lot of things in life happen, and this wasn't something that was planned, and it was something that just happened gradually. It was in my younger years, something happened. My mom needed me. I had to pivot in what I was doing in my younger days, and I joined corporate America. I said, Look, I need to be able to take care of my mom, so I need to focus on that. And how do I do that? Well, it was hard, you know, because I I've been doing this for 17 years, and so over time, the doctor's appointments increased, you know, started noticing some things with her, mental health, physical health, and it's just one of those things where I just naturally took it on. I have a great husband who, he takes care of his mom. I take care of mine. We take care of our moms together. We take care of each other. And so for me, I believe that it was just something that, again, you don't plan for it. It's something that you do because it's the right thing to do. Two you know, single mom, my dad passed away after I was born. I'm an only child. Don't have any siblings, family members passed away. So it just becomes one of those things where it's you either do it or you don't, and I'ma do it.

Zack Demopoulos:

17 years is a long time ago. Even though we've improved with the Internet. I mean, if you Google the word caregiver, it's going to go over 200 million searches. But 17 years ago, they're probably not as much. How do How did you go about getting resources and things like that?

Ebony Travis Tichenor:

You know, it was interesting, because a lot of times, even I didn't know where to start, where to go. You know, you walk into a doctor's office and I'm telling them that I'm here. I'm speaking on behalf of my mom. And you know, first, they wouldn't let us because we don't look exactly alike. She's Mexican, I'm black, Mexican. And, you know, they were like, you know, who are you? Well, we need to see identification, and my mom would get really upset, like she's here, you know? And I started from then on, I used to say, Well, I'm her daughter, I'm her caregiver, and I'm her patient advocate. Wow, appreciate you. Just come in. I would just come in. Yeah, and you know, something else that's interesting that you share about how long ago, you know, and just it's been 17 years, do you know, never used to talk about this in my in my career, in my early career, never talked about it because I felt like it was taboo, like it wasn't something that moms, people that were taking care of little ones was a little bit more important than me taking care of my mom, who is of age, right? Older?

Zack Demopoulos:

Funny, you say that because the reason I found you is because you gave this incredible, vulnerable post of a picture of you and your mom on national caregiver day. Can you Can I ask you what inspired you to do that? What gave you the courage since you just said he was taboo back in the day, tell me what has evolved in Ebony's life?

Ebony Travis Tichenor:

Yo, wow. Well, first off, I've always lived my life out loud. I believe in being my true self, my true, authentic self, I believe in sharing just what's going on, you know, and it took a while for me to get to that point. I didn't share it because I had it all figured out. I shared it because I don't. And being a caregiver is actually a beautiful thing. It's actually something we should talk more about. And so for me, it was a moment to say, maybe others need to be able to share their caregiving experiences, or be able to share their positive journey, or maybe not so positive all the time, because it's not positive all the time. And so I thought, for me, it was just a moment of just saying, Hey, I'm not only, you know, a full time career person. I'm not only a partner, a spouse or a fur baby mama, I'm also a full time caregiver. Wow,

Selma:

yes. So just based on what you just said, What about sharing with us one of those not positive experiences that you've had in that 17 years so far of taking care of your mom and being her daughter and her caregiver and our advocate, can you share one of those experiences and and also, how did you get the support? And you know what you needed to get through it? Well, you

Ebony Travis Tichenor:

gotta make me a little emotional, okay, because there's a little bit of, a little bit of pieces I can pull from to kind of shape this? Well, I wanted to be a mom. It just wasn't in the cards. My husband and I tried and, you know, we we just figured out that there was something else destined and that we were blessed to be doing. So that's where the caregiving, you know, came in. What's been difficult is my mother. You said it right, my mother. She is my mother. You If y'all remember growing up, your parents told you what to do, you didn't tell your parents what to do. So, you know, I joke around and say I inherited a teenager because I see in her what I used to do to her. I'm like, Mom, you don't need to pout because I didn't let you have that piece of candy when you know you don't need it when you are a borderline diabetic, yeah, like, I have to say those things to her. You know, what's also been difficult is is watching her health deteriorate a little bit. But here's the good news, it's also been watching her get back to her true self, because we've gotten and found doctors that truly listen and want to help her. Heart valve replacement, a stent, a watchman for the blood clots, you know, cancer we're dealing with it all, and the journey is not over yet. I'm still on this journey with her, so the difficult part, in all essence, is sometimes wishing I could just be the one to take it all from her, and she could be on the other side, living life to its fullest, even though she says she's living life to her fullest, because. I help her do that, but it's still hard on those days when she just is not feeling well and she's ill and getting sick from the medicine things like that. You know,

Selma:

yes, you mentioned that being a caregiver is a beautiful thing. What gives you joy in taking care of your mom from moment to moment, day to day, the sickness, the advocacy, the the fun, the funny times, the you know, the times when she's in pain. What gives you joy from the experience of being her caregiver, and what keeps you grounded in the midst of it all?

Ebony Travis Tichenor:

And I'm glad you asked that, because the first thing I will say is, what keeps me grounded is that my family knows I must take care of me before I can pour into any and everyone else. They know it, and I've been that way. My mom even knows and has said it. As a little kid, I was energetic, constantly, had to be on the go, you know. And then when I got into my teenage years, I constantly, again, had to do sports, you know, running or tennis, I was always that person. And so for me, as if they know, if I get my workout in first thing in the morning, I go run five, three miles, or I go hit the weights, or they know, okay, Ebony's good. Ebony jeans, good. All right, we got her, she's, she's, she's ready to conquer the world. And then that that helps me, because, you know, self care. It's not selfish. We're not selfish by trying to make sure we're pouring into ourselves before we can go pour into others. Because imagine when you don't do that, how you feel resentful, angry, mad, you're short tempered, you're you, you're you're not authentically there and really showing empathy for what's going on. But man, when you take care of you. So those moments of joy with my mom is when she knows it and she senses that I am all in I listen when I say, how are you mom? How are you feeling today? Hey, Mom, you want to go out? I'll go take you walking in the park, and then we'll go get you a little pretzel stick, even though I know you shouldn't have one. The joys are watching her be excited because I want to spend time with her, not because I have to. It's because I want to. And the joy of knowing that she knows it that I am not a burden on her. But it took a while for her to get there, because it messed with her mental health early on, where she thought I was a burden, and I had no idea she felt that way.

Selma:

Wow, wow, that's amazing. You have me. You have me so energized. I'm ready to go run a marathon. You know, you're just full of energy and excitement. Is great to see that. It's great to see that your mom is a very fortunate recipient of care,

Zack Demopoulos:

and as you are for adopting a teenager. Yes, you you are both made for each other. I I don't say this often, so do not take this lightly, but you appear as a natural caregiver. You really do, if you go back 17 years in this caregiver journey of yours, of yours, which I just can't believe you didn't you came built ready to do this from everything that you're sharing. But what would you tell ebony before you even start day one of this chapter? Or what would you tell her as advice, maybe, or, and this is also for the benefit of our listeners. Who are, we're also working caregivers. Caregivers.

Ebony Travis Tichenor:

I would tell her, this is hard. I would tell her, it's hard, but it's actually the most meaningful thing you can do to pay it forward. She gave you, she gave me life, and I should be grateful for that, and therefore I know I want her to continue to live while I'm still walking on this earth, but I'd also remind her to not be afraid to ask for help. And that's something I've struggled with for a long time is being able to ask for help. And my partner, my husband, has been great when I need the help. He is there for me, because, you know, I love my my job. I love what I do at night time I'm I get that personal time. You know that space, but caregiving is a 24/7 it never stops. And I have to remind myself that it's okay to ask for help. You can't be superwoman, super person to everybody, and most of all that I'm not alone. You're not alone. And there are many other people that are experiencing and doing the same thing, and it looks different on everybody. It is never perfect. There's not this one blanket approach of how you care for your parent, your loved one, just like there's not a blanket approach of how you care for your little ones growing up, you know so in strength, there's softness and in love, in every act of care, and that you do this when no one's watching and you're not. Be thanked every day for what you do, but you gotta know the appreciation is there.

Zack Demopoulos:

Yes, it makes sense now, why I saw that. Saw your post for national caregiver day. I mean, you find it that's you truly believe that's a celebration. Yeah, from what, from what I hear you saying, and so listeners, we're going to put a link into our newsletter on February 25 is when we highlighted Ebony and her mother, along with some other posts from LinkedIn. If just a follow up question, you are not the first or the last to say it's hard, but it's meaningful. But what advice would you give to employees who are having a difficult time, and they're not telling their employer about it. They're not seeking help from their employer. I mean, you've benefited from some of that because you you speak up. And I love that. I love that about you. What advice would you give employees that maybe are afraid to do it or afraid of negative consequences for doing so,

Ebony Travis Tichenor:

you know, if they want to get rid of some of that extra emotional turmoil that they're feeling. They're going to have to learn to be honest and speak up and have that authentic, real conversation, because if you don't, you'll continue to carry that, and that's a weight you're carrying. But you would be amazed at how many times the conversation will flip to a supportive one, if you're open and honest to share that you know. So I think it's really about trusting yourself to have that conversation. Being vulnerable. Vulnerability is hard. I've learned that it it's been hard, but I've also learned along the way that people appreciate when you truly are willing to share a piece of yourself, because they know you're actually human, and it took me a long time to be able to share that, because people didn't always understand or know me, because I wasn't always willing to share everything, but I do. I live my life out loud on Instagram as a social influencer. I share everything about my mom and I my family, the good and the bad. I have my moments where I cry, I break down, but I believe it's about being vulnerable and just being honest with yourself so that you're able to be honest with the individuals you're speaking with that you are needing that support and help.

Selma:

I have to ask you, was there a particular event that happened in your life, or what specifically moved you from this whole idea of caregiving being taboo to talk about, to to being vulnerable and talking about it and sharing your experiences with other people, because there's so many people out there that are where you were and they wish they could get to where you are now. So what words, or what tips, or what words of encouragement do you have for them to move them to that space?

Ebony Travis Tichenor:

Well, it's realizing that caregiving, we try to think that caregiving is more for moms and children, when, in essence, caregiving looks differently on everybody, and it's for anyone that you are caring for. It doesn't matter if it's a aunt, an uncle, a brother, a sister, your children. It it's different for everyone and and for me, it was hearing and seeing other inspiring individuals share their story, and I started following and realizing their vulnerability and their transparency, to share that, that it wasn't a bad thing, and that we need to learn that it's okay to not be okay, and it's okay if our way of life is a little bit different from someone else's. I can't have kids. You know, I needed to find something else to get me through that. And I didn't have to think about it as much, because automatically, I was already now taking care of my mom. So I didn't have to pause and think about it, because I went into let me take care of my mom. Let me what do I need to do? That's

Selma:

That's amazing, that's very helpful, very helpful for people that are trying to figure it out, yes, finding

Ebony Travis Tichenor:

that inner strength to be able to do that. Because, yeah, you're right. It was taboo. It was, I mean, I and it was, like, that was it would be dismissed, yes. But if you talk about having a little one, and you're raising a little one, yeah, everybody wants to hear that. You want to hear about it, yeah. So you know what? I'll tell you, you're taking care of your parent. They're like children, yeah?

Zack Demopoulos:

Oh, I love to say, you know, people will always bring pictures of newborns to work, but they're not going to bring pictures of their dad's bedsore or the mom's fault, you know, falling down and what that looks like, right? So, right. You are definitely bringing the caregiver story to the workplace. I love it. Can we just go to the other side of the equation? Do you have suggestions for how maybe employers can create a culture of care so that again, I don't see you having any trouble being authentic and speaking up. But let's just say the. Majority of people may what kind of culture do we need to have for what What do employers need to do to make it more comfortable for employees to maybe speak up?

Ebony Travis Tichenor:

I think it's starting with just having the conversation, right? We need to be okay with just bringing up the conversation. And because what you'll find nine out of 10, that is people want to share their story. They want to share what they're going through. They want to share the the good and the bad and the ugly. Yeah, so it starts with actually just having the conversation, you know, and seeing who's out there that wants to share more, to encourage others to want to share more. And it's just having those resources to help support the individuals through that, you know, you think about various companies out there that offer these extra supports for nursing, for you to have a nurse to come to the house, they help you find the right resources of like therapy, home therapy, cardiac therapy, things like that. So it really starts with, you've got to start to have the conversation. You've got to be able to bring up the question, like, who needs the support in

Zack Demopoulos:

conversations we are having, especially here with ebony Travis, ebony. How can people find out more about you? Well,

Ebony Travis Tichenor:

you can definitely visit my LinkedIn page, or you can follow me on Instagram, Ebony Travis, Ebony happy, but you know, in all seriousness, you know you can always reach out to me directly with any questions. But again, as someone who just loves what they do, who loves life, live my life out loud and authentically. You know caregiving is important, and we should never hide that from anyone. We should feel proud to share that and know how much we want to keep our parents close by us. My mom is my best friend. I couldn't imagine life without her, and I tell her that every single day, even when I'm reminding her to go on her walks, Mama, and I love it, because she'll, she'll call me Neha. She's like, Neha. I know, I know I'm getting ready. So anyway, so again, thank you so much. You know, to be able to share the story and encourage others to share their own, and that it's okay, you know what? It's okay to be a little vulnerable, and it's okay not to be okay. You know, yes,

Zack Demopoulos:

we need to put you on one of those video billboards and put it, put them up, put them in every major highway and across the country. Thank you so much, Ebony, for your energy, for your passion, for your storytelling, for your vulnerability. Thank you so much.

Selma:

So wonderful to meet you ebony. You too. Thank you. I'm feeling your energy all the way out here in California. I'm I'm ready.

Ebony Travis Tichenor:

Nice. Okay, you both are amazing. Thank you for what you do and helping to get the message out there. That means a lot. So thank you. Well,

Unknown:

you encourage us for sure. Yes, needs a lot. Thank you for tuning in. Be sure to catch new episodes of working caregivers, the invisible employees podcast every other Tuesday. Please also visit our website, invisible employee advocates.com to subscribe to our newsletter, purchase our book and learn more about how we can help you strengthen your workplace to become more supportive of working caregivers you.