Navigating Millennial Caregiving with Dr. Rachael Piltch-Loeb

In this episode, we sit down with the incredible Dr. Rachael Piltch-Loeb, author of The Millennial Caregiver, to explore the complex intersection of caregiving, career, and life as a member of the millennial generation. Rachael shares her deeply personal journey of becoming a caregiver for her father who was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s while she was simultaneously raising a newborn and advancing her academic career. It’s a raw, real, and deeply insightful conversation that so many millennial caregivers will relate to—whether you're in the thick of it or just starting out.

Together, we unpack the emotional toll, unexpected challenges, and urgent need for better workplace support for caregivers—especially those balancing careers and caregiving in silence. Rachael doesn’t just share her story—she provides actionable advice for starting hard conversations, navigating the healthcare system, and preparing for the unexpected. If you're a working caregiver, or support someone who is, this is a must-listen.

 Episode Highlights:

[0:00] - Rachael introduces the unique challenges of millennial caregiving
 [1:16] - Zack and Selma welcome listeners and reflect on recent caregiving experiences
 [2:19] - Introduction to Dr. Rachael Piltch-Loeb and her book The Millennial Caregiver
[4:14] - Rachael shares her caregiving journey: balancing motherhood, academia, and her father's Alzheimer's diagnosis
[9:06] - The emotional complexity of caregiving and parenting simultaneously
[12:07] - How to talk to young children about illness and memory loss in loved ones
[14:08] - Rachael opens up about disclosing caregiving at work and navigating workplace flexibility
[16:41] - How her background in public health helped her navigate a broken healthcare system
[21:18] - Advice for employers: building a culture of support for working caregivers
[24:33] - Unique challenges millennial caregivers face—expectations, technology gaps, and life-stage disruption
[27:47] - Two powerful takeaways: managing expectations and starting early
[31:20] - Advice Rachael would give her younger self about preparing for caregiving
[33:37] - How to start difficult conversations with healthy loved ones
[36:30] - Where to find The Millennial Caregiver and connect with Rachael

 Links & Resources:

Rachael's website:  https://www.rpiltchloeb.com/ 

The Millennial Caregiver:  Caring For Loved Ones In the Busiest Part Of Your Life by Rachael Piltch-Loeb  https://www.amazon.com/Millennial-Caregiver-Caring-Loved-Busiest-ebook/dp/B0DXPKXFNZ 

What's Going On With Papa Bear? https://www.amazon.com/Whats-Going-Papa-Jessie-Piltch-Loeb/dp/1662943873

Susie Singer Carter Podcast episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r84q-ixWt0A&feature=youtu.be 

Business Insider article: https://www.businessinsider.com/millennial-caregiver-baby-father-alzheimers-sandwich-generation-2025-4 

The Millennial Caregiver: How to Juggle Aging Parents, Kids, Work, and Your Sanity with Dr. Rachel Piltch-Loeb.  Everyone is talking money podcast episode: https://podcast

Rachel's LinkedIn:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/rachael-piltch-loeb-050a8213/

Transcript

Rachael Piltch-Loeb: 0:00

About, you know, the connection between being a millennial and caregiving. I think there's this real sense of of disruption in life stage. I think there's this real sense of confusion related to navigating the healthcare system and looking to technology to try and address the problem and it not being able to in the way that we're used to, and that constellation of factors, while we're also trying to manage maybe kids, maybe career progression is really challenging, I think, in a in a way that can be paralyzing if we don't kind of acknowledge it and try and think about ways to move

Unknown: 0:33

forward. Did you know that in 2020 there were 53 million caregivers in the United States? And by 2025, this number is expected to grow to 62, point 5,000,073% of these caregivers also have a job. They are called Working caregivers, and they are invisible because they don't talk about their caregiving challenges. Working caregivers, the invisible employees, is a podcast that will show you how to support working caregivers. Join Selma Archer and Zach demopoulos on the working caregivers the invisible employees podcast, as they show you how to support working caregivers.

Zack Demopoulos: 1:16

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. From wherever and whenever you are dialing in, we want to thank you for listening in and for subscribing. My name is Zac themopoulos, and this is the working caregiver, the invisible employee

Selma: 1:30

podcast, and I'm Selma Archer. Thank you all for being here with us today. What's going on in your world?

Zack Demopoulos: 1:36

Zach, you know, I just came back from visiting with mom and living the caregiver life that we talk about on the show so many times, I was really happy to see that mom actually is doing really well. It takes a lot I know that a recent podcast talked about all the atrocities that are going on the nursing home, and I have to feel fortunate that it's not going on in my mother's but I have to say I've been diligent. I've been on top of it. They know who I am, and the executive director and the staff, we work together. But man, I hope everybody checks out our recent podcast with Susie singer Carter and some of the things that are going on nursing homes now we've got to reform and correct. How about you? What's happening on the West Coast?

Selma: 2:19

Well, I had the pleasure of reading this great book finishing it up. It's called the millennial caregiver. We are so excited to have our guest with us today. Dr Rachel Pilch Loeb, to talk about her amazing millennial caregiver book. Welcome. Dr pitch

Rachael Piltch-Loeb: 2:41

Low. Thank you Selma, thank you Zach. It's great to be here. Yes, well,

Selma: 2:45

we want to start. We definitely want to talk about your book, but before we get into that, we'd like to start with just an icebreaker question. So can you tell us something interesting about where you're from?

Rachael Piltch-Loeb: 2:58

Sure, well, I'm originally from outside of Boston, actually, and I think that there's something about home is always still where you grew up, even though I haven't lived there now, I think, for, I don't know, maybe close to 20 years. So I grew up in a small town in Massachusetts, next door to where the Patriots play, and so football games were always kind of a fun thing to try and go to, or tailgates, at least. But now I am based in Manhattan, and the you know, as in classic New York fashion, I can hear construction going on right outside my window. So I'm totally entrenched in the urban environment now that I that I live in, I don't know if that's interesting or terrible, but that's what's going on right now.

Zack Demopoulos: 3:40

I think what might be more interesting is tell us how you how do you handle telling people you're from Boston while living in New York

Rachael Piltch-Loeb: 3:46

City? I know, I know. I think my, my I'm a My mom has six brothers, and I think that they still cringe when my my youngest or sorry, my oldest child, you know, tells them he likes to go the Yankees and go, loves the Knicks and all those sports teams that are utter rivals with with the Red Sox and the Celtics. It's kind of

Selma: 4:04

funny. Wow, that's amazing. Hey, no place like New York, that's

Rachael Piltch-Loeb: 4:09

right, it is a unique place. That's for sure. Lots at your fingertips. That's that's the plus,

Selma: 4:15

yeah. Well, let's talk a little bit about your care journey. I actually ran across your story when I was reading an article and your face was on the picture with your dad, and had a big write up about you being a new mom to a to a newborn, a caregiver to your dad with Alzheimer's, an academician working, you know, in academia, in public health, and I just thought, how is this super woman handling all this responsibility? I have to meet this lady, and I researched your book, and I started on that, and I was even more intrigued. So we had to have you to talk to. You directly about the work that you're doing and your accomplishments. So let's start by if you could share your care story.

Rachael Piltch-Loeb: 5:06

Yeah, absolutely. Thank you for for kind of mentioning all of that. It's so wonderful to kind of know how you learned about the book. And I'm so glad that it's kind of getting out there. My book was really inspired by the care journey, as you just kind of alluded to, which was, I was, you know, in my late 20s, I was a new mom, and my dad, who was only 58 at the time, was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's. And it's called early onset, when somebody's diagnosed before they're 65 which also means before they're technically a senior citizen, before they're eligible for for Medicare. And so there's a lot of, I think, surprise when that cognitive decline starts happening at such a relatively young age. And so I am one of three children, and my mom and my dad were still married at the time, and our family went into sort of crisis management mode. You know, what were we going to do to support my dad, who was physically extremely capable, he looked tan and healthy and thin and like the pinnacle of health, and inside his mind was failing him. So we all took on kind of different roles in that experience, in kind of the data to a management of what he needed, in researching kind of his care options, in figuring out the financial and legal implications of what he would need and what we needed to do to be prepared to kind of support him as healthcare proxies and power of attorney and all these things that you don't kind of think about until you're faced with a clinical diagnosis that is not going to get better. In fact, it's only going to get worse. And I think for me, as an individual and as an adult child, you know, still looking to my parents for guidance as I was like beginning the parenthood journey myself for professional guidance, for, you know, life advice. It was a really shocking moment to sort of say, you know, I'm not ready for this, and to think about what, what I could expect. And the reality was, when I went to, you know, Dr Google or to friends and family, not a lot of folks who were in my age group and in a similar life stage to me could really relate to what I was going through, and I had a hard time finding resources electronically or kind of in the literature To help help me understand what I could expect. And so as I kind of went on the care journey, and as our family did that, it became clear to me that it it felt like a valuable ad to kind of pull together what we were experiencing and what I talked with other young caregivers about into a book. And that is what inspired my book, The millennial caregiver, and the the resource that you you ultimately found,

Selma: 8:06

wow, that's That's amazing.

Zack Demopoulos: 8:09

I like some I found you by listening to a podcast after she told me about your book. And I gotta tell you, I I'm kind of a sappy guy now that I've become a grandfather, and as I listened to your story, not, you know, I've heard the word sandwich caregiver so many times, but when you talked about it, it really, really, really impacted you, because your father wasn't the grandfather necessarily, that you might have envisioned, and you're, you went through those emotions. I think it'd be really important for our listeners to listen to hear a little bit more about that. I'll put the link in our show notes of that great podcast that you did, but I would love if you could just share a little bit about you know why it's it's different, perhaps, that you're raising a young child and you're now rate helping with your father and some of the emotions that go through that and not to take those for granted.

Rachael Piltch-Loeb: 9:06

Yeah, absolutely. Think what you you said, really hit the nail on the head that you know, I think when we traditionally think about the sandwich generation, it's folks who they may have children still in the household, but they're a little bit of a more established state in adulthood, where they're caring for their traditionally, quote, unquote, aging parents and trying to kind of manage what that looks like, almost as they are on the tail end of raising their children. And I think the difference was for me, I was really in the beginning stages of starting my family and envisioning what I hoped, you know, would be my my parents role in their lives. And my dad was an amazing parent and grandparent while he was still capable in the sense that he was he loved kids. You know, he this is a man who chose to go back to school in his four. Used to become a middle school math teacher. Was like, I think, you know, any listener can probably say, like, what was wrong with him? Maybe we should have known then, you know, I'm joking, but, you know, that's not a lot of something that a lot of people volunteer to do. But his kids were kind of out of the house, and he really had the empathy to be patient with with young people, and he loved babies, too. He just loved kids. When my son was born, you know, he this, he had a hard time sleeping, and my dad would just put him on his chest, and they would relax together. And I sort of had these visions for how much he would be able to cope and tolerate and be present with my kids as they grew. And pretty quickly, that kind of vision was lost. And, you know, it's something that I still miss to this day, because I just know he would have been such a wonderful presence in their lives. And that kind of sense of calm and patience and, you know, letting things roll off your shoulder as you need to, you know, which is something we all should kind of learn to do, especially when you have kids, is something that I sorely miss. And I think that what was additionally really striking was that my dad's mother is actually still alive in her 90s, and so there was this sense of what I would call like the double sandwich, right? You have some, you know, an older generation that is still present. And he was kind of in the middle, right? He wasn't the the top slice of bread, so to speak. And so, you know, there was a real, I think, surprise and a real change in in expectations. And that sense of shifting expectations, the lack of ability to kind of manage what I thought would be, was really stark and striking, and still sticks with me.

Zack Demopoulos: 11:41

Now, wow, I think they call you then a club sandwich or club Yeah, just just one quick follow up. I don't know how old your children are, but do you have any advice for our listeners? What do you tell children if they ask questions like, what's wrong with Grandfather? Or why are you always helping? You know, I've just just, you have any advice for that spot, but I think you're good at this doctor.

Rachael Piltch-Loeb: 12:07

Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's actually an amazing question. So my sister is actually an art therapist and a kids therapist, and she wrote a children's book called what's going on with Papa Bear, which uses which, you know, all listeners, if you are in this position, really should check out. And I, you know, wouldn't mention it, but you, you didn't. You did bring it up, and it's an amazing resource that's been picked up by lots of local bookstores and therapists that really uses a family of bears to explain to kids what's going on when, when the adult bear is really struggling to kind of repeat the same behaviors and memories that that they once were able to do. That was actually inspired by conversations we had with my now five year old. You know, how do you explain kind of what's going on with with Papa, his grandpa, grandfather, when he's no longer able to kind of play and do some of the same things that he was able to do. And we ultimately, once he passed away, sort of talked about how Papa will always be in his heart. How we can talk about memories with him. We can, you know, still do the things we loved to do with him, play ball or strum a guitar. That was something that my dad and my son kind of connected on music as a general sentiment. And so I think that you really we focused on, you know, sometimes Papa forgets, sometimes his energy changes just like yours does. He's always in our heart, and we can do similar things to that made you happy with him, you know, with mommy and daddy and whatnot. So, you know, I think that it's, it's not imperfect. I think folks will approach those conversations differently, but that's really what resonated for our family with with my son.

Zack Demopoulos: 13:41

Thank you. That is fantastic advice, and we are definitely going to put a link to your what's your sister's name?

Rachael Piltch-Loeb: 13:47

Jesse

Selma: 13:48

pelchlow, Jessica, that's what's going on with Papa Bear, right? Yep. Awesome. So when you stepped into your caregiver journey, you were you were working? Yeah. Did you share your care status with your employer? And if so, did you What was the reception? Did you get support you needed?

Rachael Piltch-Loeb: 14:08

Yeah, it's a great question. So I, as you mentioned, I'm an academic by background. I'm a Professor of Public Health now at the CUNY Graduate School of Public Health. At the time, I was a research scientist at the Harvard School of Public Health, and I, in some ways, had the blessing of flexibility that was granted to us by the pandemic, where, you know, you had a certain number of hours in the day, you had things you needed to get done, but there was, we weren't allowed to be present in offices, right? So we were could be physically present with people in our lives a little bit more. And so in some ways, everybody was coping with different health challenges at that time, whether it was related to the pandemic or something else, and so I had more flexibility in my schedule, just in terms of the traditional work hours. It was not something I disclosed to an employer at the time, not, I'm not. Sure, I necessarily, and it's hard to know, you know, would that have looked differently Had there been expectations of being in person? Because I do think that without flexible, you know, work schedules or work arrangements, these conversations are, are necessary in a much, much earlier, I know, for my mom, for example, or my brother, you know, there needed to be kind of more upfront conversations with their employers, because it meant for my brother, he had to fly to a different destination to come when he would visit my dad. Or for my mom, it meant, you know, at any day, she could need to leave the office or jump off of a call or whatever it was. And I think she, too, even in general, had had work flexibility, but she couldn't, you know, there was only so many times you can drop everything at a moment's notice before you have to kind of acknowledge it to your employer. And those conversations can be challenging, because I think I don't know, in this country, we have a general challenge with family medical leave, even if it's for your children or for your spouse and so, let alone thinking about kind of what that looks like for a different family member, kind of getting establishing expectations and allowances for that can be really complicated. And that kind of concept of of how do you have those conversations with an employer, and how do you if you do need to modify your presence in the workforce, how do you think about the skills you build as a caregiver to if you do ultimately want to re enter the workforce, or things that I tried to address in in in the resource that that I created,

Selma: 16:32

did your professional background as public health professional? Did that support you in any way in your role?

Rachael Piltch-Loeb: 16:41

Yeah, I think it was absolutely helpful in the sense that I had a good, good handle on on certain dynamics that exist within the healthcare system. One how siloed it can be. You know, when we think about the the differences between a memory care facility or a psychiatric facility and an emergency room and how an or a traditional doctor's office that's not connected to a hospital system. What I mean by silo is, if one is diagnosed that you know is prescribing certain medications, there should be no expectation that the other facilities are going to know unless you tell them that those medications are necessary for your loved one. So I had some sense of the level of research and advocacy that was going to be necessary to support my dad when he was ultimately kind of interacting with different aspects of the healthcare system. And I think that what can be really hard, especially for for my generation, is if we haven't had to interact with the healthcare system, we are in for a rude awakening with how frustrating it can be to navigate, like, how redundant we need to be in terms of kind of reinforcing the things that are necessary for the person that we are supporting. You know, if there was an allergy, or my dad had certain pre existing health conditions that needed to that would preclude certain procedures from happening, he was prone to say, like a stroke or a blood thinner issue. You know, those weren't always in his chart, so he could very easily have been in danger had somebody really not been there to advocate for him. And when you're talking about a patient who is in cognitive decline, they're really not able to advocate for themselves. So we knew really quickly that we needed to have somebody with him at all times if he was going to be in a medical facility, for example. And so I think that having a background in public health and some familiarity with the healthcare system was helpful. I would say the other area in which it was helpful was trying to think about different ways to approach researching things that would be could be beneficial to him, whether that was, you know, whether he was eligible for any clinical trials, which he ultimately wasn't because he was under 65 and all Alzheimer's clinical trials are focused on older, you know, senior citizens, which was, was too bad. But the reality of kind of how clinical trials exist at the moment, or different kind of the the evidence there to support different sorts of intervention types. So I think those skills really did, did come in handy at that at that time, and I think that similarly, you know, my siblings, my mom, we all had different sort of complimentary skills. You know, I am, I am not a perpetual optimist. The world is not like in rolls colored glasses. For me, my brother is a much more kind of light hearted and optimistic in temperament, and so we each kind of had different ways, I think, in which we coped and which we supported each other and my dad based on who we were and our kind of professional and personal attributes.

Selma: 19:39

Great. Wow. It's very helpful.

Zack Demopoulos: 19:41

Yeah, extremely Yes. And your skill sets and background has certainly come in handy. But I have to confess, I mean, I was in HR when my father had a stroke. I didn't know where to go, where to turn it. I'm supposed to be the resource person. I'm supposed to be able to help people to turn until that happens, you almost don't know. And I was also a part of a caregiver. So. Poor group, where a woman broke down and says, and said she's well educated. In fact, she's in academic, academics rather. And she said, I shouldn't have to choose between my job and taking my mother to an appointment after being told she has cancer. And then I just bring up FMLA, which you mentioned, Dr Rachel, which is important, but she didn't really understand it, and she's she's just thought that it was this thing that will be a negative consequences if you take it so there's so much education that we need to do, even with FMLA, though I I don't remember the exact number, but the National Alliance for Caregiving just came out with their 2025, report and in collaboration with AARP, which we'll put a link to, that lot of great data talks about how caregivers are younger and younger. So it's so exciting to have you on our show, but also that there are more caregivers tapping into FMLA, like a 57% increase since the last time they did it, which was in 2020 but that's not the only answer. Employers really still need to have on their radar, that there's so many other ways we need to support caregivers. Do you in your experiences, can you share what you know, some suggestions that employers can maybe implement this to create a culture of care?

Rachael Piltch-Loeb: 21:18

Yeah, it's a great question, and I think you know to your point, FMLA is but one program, and we already know that there's not enough days allowed for all the different kind of caregiving types that likely exist. Right? Because if you're a caregiver for an aging parent or an ailing loved one, you may also be a caregiver for a child, or you may need maternity leave support or whatever it is, right? And so, you know, I think that the challenge with our existing programs is you almost have to choose which type of caregiving you're going to opt for sometimes. And that's that's so, so hard, I think, when you're in in these roles. But to answer your question, rather than go off too much on a tangent there, I think that you hit the nail on you on the head when you said, culture of care, culture of support. I think that first and foremost, caregiving for somebody who is not a child can be really hard to talk about. It can be hard to talk about in the workplace. It can be hard to talk about even with friends and with family who aren't in that situation. So I think that in some ways, the first step is, is acknowledgement, right? Employers recognizing that this is something that their employees are likely to be experiencing. I mean, the numbers don't lie, right? I think one in one in five people is a caregiver at this point in time. You know that those numbers are only growing as as kind of boomers age, and and more people kind of start to start to decline. So recognize whether that is a brown bag lunch where, you know, you bring in a speaker who is comfortable talking about caregiving, or some you know, build it into, kind of your policies that there are flexible work hours for those who need, need to take folks to an appointment, or flexibility in general, to the best of a company's ability. So I think starting by trying to figure out ways in which we can create that culture acknowledge that employees are going through this is critical. I think there's also informal ways in which work can be a support for people who are in caregiving roles. And I say that only because I think there is an an element of escape for some people who where it's a little bit easier to go to work than to stay home and be a caregiver. And you know, when you're a caregiver and you're at home, if you want to go to the bathroom, you have to choose between, you know, are you bringing the person with? You know what's going on, right? Because they you can't, if you can't if you can't take their eyes off them for a second. It's kind of like having a baby in certain instances, right? And I don't mean to be make light of it, but you know, you really have to think about how you're you're making moves 24/7, when you're at work, you've got a little bit more flexibility. You want to have that coffee, you want to get up from your desk. You need to have a collegial moment. Oftentimes, you can do that. And of course, it depends on the nature of work and where folks are at but I think that that element of escape, of of peer support and of acknowledgement in the workplace would be some of the steps in the right direction to just begin the conversations of, how do we support caregivers in the workplace?

Zack Demopoulos: 24:19

Thank you. Yeah, those are great. Thank you.

Selma: 24:21

Well, I guess I should point it out initially, but I'll do it now. You are our first millennial caregiver guest on our podcast. Is one of the reasons we were so excited to have you

Rachael Piltch-Loeb: 24:33

created too, yes, yes.

Selma: 24:36

And in your in your book, The millennial caregiver you, you have a whole list of unique challenges that you experience, you know, because you're a millennial caregiver, can you talk about a couple of those?

Rachael Piltch-Loeb: 24:50

Yeah, absolutely. So I think you know, a few things come to mind about, you know, the connection between being a millennial and caregiving. There's the. A con just to sort of set the set the stage millennial caregivers. If you're in the millennial generation and you're in a caregiving role for somebody who's ailing, you tend to be younger, maybe in you know you're and millennials tend to be starting their family, pursuing home ownership, establishing kind of career norms a little bit later than prior generations. In some ways, that's tied to kind of generational events that have happened for millennials. You know, the financial crisis, the pandemic, where that have kind of pushed out traditional milestones. There's also kind of choices that are happening, where people are having fewer kids and choosing to start families a little bit later, if they're choosing to at all. So there's a general shift, I think, generationally, for millennials compared to older or earlier generations. And millennials, I think finally, just as a note, tend to be moving home or back to where they're from in in a greater proportion than prior generations to so you end up having these people who are kind of still establishing different traditional life markers who are living with their parents or near their parents and still figuring stuff out, and then are kind of in for the shock of, well, they're not ready for their parents to age or ale because they're still looking for that kind of traditional support as they they figure things out. So think there is a real surprise and a real shift that's happening for this generation in comparison to prior generations, who are kind of hitting some of these live milestones a little bit later. That being said, you know, millennials are the first generation to also kind of be used to having technology at our disposal. Right? We've come come of age with the iPhone and the internet and all of this wonderful stuff, and we also expect to have rapid answers at our fingertips. Now, the problem with caregiving is you can't find an answer to everything that's going on with somebody who's declining, and that sense of confusion and frustration cannot be solved by technology. Technology can be a resource. It can help us stay organized, but it's not going to solve the problem, which is somebody you care about is declining, and you have to figure out what to do. And so I think there's this real sense of of disruption in life stage. I think there's this real sense of confusion related to navigating the healthcare system, as we were talking about before, and looking to technology to try and address the problem, and it not being able to in the way that we're used to, and that constellation of factors while we're also trying to manage maybe kids, maybe career progression, is really challenging, I think, in a in a way that can be paralyzing if we don't kind of acknowledge it and try and think about Ways to move forward.

Selma: 27:41

So what are one or two key messages that you would like your readers to walk away with?

Rachael Piltch-Loeb: 27:47

I think the first one has to do with expectation management. It plays out in a few different ways. One is that you will not be able to make a plan and follow that plan perfectly when you're dealing with caregiving. And so the key is to figure out kind of what are some pivotal milestones that are deal breakers for you. So if you're a caregiver, and you know that it is absolutely not on your bingo card that you will leave the workforce, either because you you need the money, which many of us do, or because you have career aspirations, or because you recognize that it's good for your mental health to work, whatever it is, but if you know that you don't want to leave the workforce, then then that is something that you know is really important to you, and you're not going to sacrifice it, and you're going to figure out other caregiving supports so that that that is not something that you give up. Similarly, if you know, okay, I am just not prepared to care for my loved one if they are at home, if they are no longer able to use the bathroom, then that is a kind of moment in which you need to figure out, okay, I know I'm going to need to seek residential help for my loved one. So, you know, figure out kind of what are those milestones that are critical for you, and offer yourself some grace and flexibility as you kind of navigate the path as much as you can. So figure out, recognize that you're not going to be able to expect everything, and figure out what is kind of the absolute for you and navigate within that. So I think the other thing that's critical is to start as early as possible. Caregiving often means having to have really hard conversations before you're ready or or pursue things before you're ready and, and what I mean is things like, you know, does your loved one have a will? Do you know kind of what their financial state is and what they can be able to afford, what they may need? Do you have power of attorney and healthcare proxies? Because pretty rapidly, especially if somebody is in cognitive decline, meaning, you know, dementia, Alzheimer's, whatever the disease is, they may no longer be able to make decisions for themselves, and so you have to have those hard conversations with them as much as you can while they're still with it. So start early, especially if you're part of a caregiving team, meaning, like, if there's many families. Members who are involved, because you may not all be on the same page, it's hard to come to caregiving and forget about all the interactions we've had with our family members beforehand, right? And so bringing the group together takes time, as does figuring out all this legal, financial stuff, so start as early as possible, and you know, give yourself, as I said, some some, some space along the way.

Selma: 30:25

That's great. I like that you mentioned having grace. We had a prior guest on our show who talked about changing the G word from guilt to grace. I love so we love that as well. So I like that space and

Zack Demopoulos: 30:41

grace. I love it. Absolutely love it. Yeah, I just, I think we're going to just finish up here. We like to ask our favorite question. Since you did stress start as early as possible, that's not easy if you don't have somebody telling you or helping you to do that. So here's your chance, Dr Rachel, to tell yourself and our listeners, if you were to go back to as early as possible, what are and you might have already covered in your takeaways, but what is a very key piece of advice you would give to your younger self in starting the caregiver journey?

Rachael Piltch-Loeb: 31:20

Yeah, it's a great question. I do think that it has to do with starting some of these legal processes, a little bit early thinking about things like, as I was just mentioning, kind of power of attorney, determining a healthcare proxy, understanding kind of the financial implications of, you know, what it would take to support my dad. These are things that are very hard. I think you're you're very reactive. I think when you're in a caregiving role, you know, the person has a need at a particular time, and you want to do everything to support them at that moment. We found lots of support therapists, for example, for my dad. And then in a month, or two months, you know, you'd gone down this path, you'd spent this, this money, which, you know, feels worth it at the time, and it did nothing because he was in the next stage of decline, and we had just kind of really, you know, honed in and were frustrated, you know, because of the time and money and whatnot that it took on a particular resource that wasn't particularly useful. And again, this goes back to that expectation kind of component. But I think that, you know, there's so much that you get hyper focused on when you're in the caregiving space, and it evolves really fast. So figuring out, what are those, like, big pillars that are necessary? And I think that they are, you know, being able to make decisions rapidly for a loved one has to do with having power of attorney and having a healthcare proxy, figuring out what is the budget or the reality of your financial situation, what the person has to support themselves, what resources you all have to contribute, is critical, because, you know, people go into huge debt as caregivers, and it's really important to recognize so trying to get a handle on that as early as possible is, is really critical. So I think having those, those tough conversations, including, you know, end of life wishes and whatnot, as early as possible is, is really worthwhile.

Zack Demopoulos: 33:13

Excellent, excellent advice. But there is a caveat. Now, if it's in your book, just tell our listeners, go to the book and read it. But there is one little caveat to go in as early as possible. That is that your parents are young, they're healthy, they're lucid, and they're going to look at you like, why are we having these conversations? You have any advice on how to have these tough conversations?

Rachael Piltch-Loeb: 33:37

Yeah, it's interesting, and this comes from somebody else that I was recently listening to, who was a caregiver and and her advice was, you know, talk about it in the abstract, and then bring it to the person. So, you know, oh, I was talking to so and so, and they, they were recently working on their will, you know, what would you what would your wishes be? What do you think? Do you think it's worth US writing that down? You never know what's going to happen. Right? And so figuring out organic ways to try and try and bring it up can be really beneficial. You know, one of the things I do talk about in my book has to do with communication strategies among the family and with the loved one who's having this experience. There's a whole chapter about communication, because shameless pitch, but I think communication is one of those things we often throw away, and there's a whole science and art behind it. It doesn't make up for having, you know, tough topics, but it really can make a difference in how we perceive it, like that classic, you know, it's not what you say, it's how you say it. I that was drilled into me as a kid, and I think that you know, when a diagnosis does happen, if, if somebody does have a diagnosis, there space and time for processing, but there's also kind of this important checklist that starts to come up of like, you know, I want you to be a part of of your decisions and your life as as it unfolds. And the earlier we have this conversation, the more agency you have in being able to do that. Meaning. The loved one, right? Because, for my dad, had we not talked to him about, you know, his end of life wishes, etc, he wouldn't have been a player in his own end of end of life care. And because we knew what he wanted, we were able to honor what he what he he did want. And I think that that is another way to approach it, which is to say, like this gives you as much autonomy as you could possibly have recognizing we don't know what this is going to look like in the future, so different strategies depends on the person and your relationship with them. But lots of lots of food for

Zack Demopoulos: 35:28

thought, that's great stuff. And I still want our listeners to read your book anyway, even though, even though you probably gave away a lot of content right there,

Selma: 35:38

no, there's so much, there's there's so much more, there's so much more that people can benefit from. And I think that anybody that reads your book is going to walk away feeling so much more powerful and informed. Because as I said before, you not only make suggestions and solutions, but you you you go to the meat of it and tell them, walk them through how that looks and what they do each step of the way, and that's very powerful. But I just want to say that everyone that reads your book is going to benefit, and we totally appreciate you coming and joining, joining us today to share your journey with us. And one last question, and that is, how can people connect with you? How can they find you? And how can they find that great book? Definitely.

Rachael Piltch-Loeb: 36:30

Thank you. The book is available. It's on bookshop.org, Barnes and Noble Amazon, all of major retailers. So very much. And I've heard from many folks that it's in their local bookstores, which is always super exciting to kind of see it in the flesh, friends from Portland, remote parts of Canada, Texas and Massachusetts. So maybe you'll find it in your local bookstore if you go to it as well, but definitely available online. I have a personal website, our pilchu.com on LinkedIn. I'm on Instagram. Would love to connect with anybody about caregiving.

Selma: 37:02

Awesome. Well, thank you again, so much for being here. You This has been a wonderful conversation.

Rachael Piltch-Loeb: 37:08

Thank you for having me.

Zack Demopoulos: 37:10

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Unknown: 37:13

Thank you for tuning in. Be sure to catch new episodes of working caregivers, the invisible employees podcast every other Tuesday, please also visit our website, invisible employee advocates.com to subscribe to our newsletter, purchase our book and learn more about how we can help you strengthen your workplace to become more supportive of working caregivers you.