Working Caregivers: The Invisible Employees

Patient Advocacy Leader, Caregiving Advocate, & Author Paul Wynn

Selma Archer & Zack Demopoulos Season 1 Episode 27

In this episode, we sit down with Paul Wynn, an incredible caregiver advocate, author, and storyteller, to unpack the complex reality of being in the sandwich generation—those caught between raising kids and caring for aging parents. Paul brings heartfelt honesty, practical wisdom, and real-life strategies from his own caregiving journey, while also highlighting the importance of workplace support for caregivers.

You’ll hear Paul’s deeply personal caregiving story and learn how he juggled family life, full-time work, and caregiving responsibilities. We explore how progressive employers are beginning to respond, the importance of community and peer support, and why Paul believes male caregivers need more visibility and voice. Whether you're a working caregiver or someone who supports them, this episode offers validation, encouragement, and actionable advice.

 

Episode Highlights:

[2:21] – Paul introduces us to the Hudson Valley, NY, and shares why it’s such a special place to live.
 [3:28] – Paul dives into his personal caregiving story, juggling care for his uncle and mother while raising young children.
 [5:56] – The reality of being a working caregiver and how progressive benefits helped Paul stay afloat.
 [8:47] – Paul’s inspiration for writing about caregiving, the importance of male caregiver representation, and his work with AARP and other major publications.
 [11:15] – What employers are beginning to understand about caregiving burnout—and why that matters.
 [12:45] – How employees can navigate disclosure and build peer support within the workplace.
 [15:13] – Paul shares the inspiration behind the powerful opening line of his chapter: “When it’s your turn to be a caregiver, whose example will you follow?”
 [19:15] – Why uniting the generations can create joyful, healing connections—and how to make that happen.
 [21:03] – The power of asking for help, especially for male caregivers—and how to do it effectively.
 [24:43] – Reflecting on what Paul wishes he had done differently at the beginning of his caregiving journey.
 [27:10] – The value of podcasts and virtual resources in today’s caregiving world.
 [30:01] – How to connect with Paul and access his writings, advocacy work, and his book chapter.

 

Links & Resources:

·         https://www.amazon.com/Caregivers-Advocate-Complete-Support-Resources-ebook/dp/B0FMGGL6ZY 

·         Stacy Shewey and Hand4Life https://www.h4lworld.org/our-story/ 

·         Working Caregiver-The Invisible Employees Episode 26:  Navigating Millennial Caregiving with Dr. Rachael Piltch-Loeb https://www.buzzsprout.com/2401927/episodes/17922747  

·         Paul Wynn article-Podcasts for caregivers:  https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/life-balance/caregiver-podcasts-offer-support/ 

 

If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to follow the podcast and leave a review. Remember to check out our website at invisibleemployeeadvocates.com for more resources, and subscribe to our newsletter for updates! We’ll catch you in the next episode.

Paul Wynn:

More and more employees are starting to think about really the impact on their workforce. They're starting to realize that a majority of their workforce are caregivers. And what does that mean? That means that they're being pulled in a million directions and juggling all their work responsibilities and their family responsibilities. It's just too much. It's causing burnout on both ends. And so proactive, progressive employers, I think, are starting to realize this is a bigger and bigger segment of their workforce, and they're starting to put in more benefits, more opportunities, to give them that flexibility that they need in order to juggle both roles.

Unknown:

Did you know that in 2020 there were 53 million caregivers in the United States, and by 2025 this number is expected to grow to 62 point 5,000,073% of these caregivers also have a job. They are called Working caregivers, and they are invisible because they don't talk about their caregiving challenges. Working caregivers, the invisible employees is a podcast that will show you how to support working caregivers. Join Selma Archer and Zach demopoulos on the working caregivers the invisible employees podcast, as they show you how to support working caregivers.

Zack Demopoulos:

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, from wherever and whenever you are calling from. Thank you for joining us here on the working caregiver, the invisible employee Podcast. I'm Zach

Selma:

timopolis And I'm Selma Archer. What is happening. Selma, we've got a lot of exciting things happening this week, so I am so happy to have our guests here with us today. Paul Winn, who is a caregiver advocate and author. Welcome Paul.

Paul Wynn:

Hello, Selma, hello. Zach, it's awesome to be here with you guys. I've been dying to be on your show.

Selma:

Awesome, too. Again. Welcome and thank you for taking the time to join us today and talk about this important issue of employee caregiving, not unpaid employee caregiving. So we'll start out by tell us something interesting about where you live?

Paul Wynn:

So that's an interesting question, because the area I live in the Hudson Valley of New York has so much great history here. I mean, you have FDR presidential library, you have the architecture Russell Wright's beautiful estate here. But what's really sort of the hub of our community is West points campus, and the military campus is right here. It's a beautiful campus right on the river. Has so much great history there. We spend as much time as we can enjoying their football games, Go Army and all their other sports, they're just it's a great, great experience. I highly recommend people come up here and visit during the fall. It's just beautiful,

Selma:

awesome, little cold right now, I hear

Paul Wynn:

a little cold, but weird. That's okay. We're used to

Selma:

it. That's wonderful. That's really interesting. It makes me want to come and visit actually, so we'll get started. Can you start by just sharing your caregiver story with us?

Paul Wynn:

So I'm really proud to be one of the authors of a new book that just came out called the caregivers advocate Volume Two, and I had the pleasure of writing chapter three, which is called Surviving the sandwich generation years. And the sandwich generation is where caregivers are caught between caring for their older, you know, elderly family members and their young families. And that was my life for many years, when my my wife and I were just starting have our own kids. That's unfortunately when my parents and eventually my uncle also needed more and more care for and support from our family. I was like, You, Selma. I was a long distance caregiver. I was kind of almost in the middle of where my uncle lived in Connecticut and my my mom lived down in Pennsylvania, about two hour two and a half hours in between both of them. And so I was torn between going to visit my mom one weekend. Should I go visit her next weekend? Or do I need to go see my uncle? How bad I spend time with my kids. You know that sandwich generation is constantly that pull and tug and and struggling to figure out, where do they spend their time, where who's the priority? What am I doing? And I think it's really you have to do it on a day to day basis, based on who's whose needs are. The greatest that day or that weekend, because it's really hard to pick and choose who you want to see, because you want to see them all, and you want to be there for them all, but it's impossible to do that so and that's why it's so important to figure out that circle of care and really understand who can I get to help help with my kids, maybe, who can help with my uncle if I can't be there? The same with my mom? You know, it's that that that support network is critical. Wow.

Selma:

It's kind of like a caregiver triage. You know, you got to decide who needs you the most at that point in time. So when you were doing this and managing caring for your your your mom, your uncle, you had the small kids. You're a father, a husband. Were you working as well, and if so, did you share this with your employer, and were they supported?

Paul Wynn:

Yeah. So on top of being a caregiver, like so many, I was a working caregiver too, right? Working a full time job, very demanding job. I was working in the pharmaceutical industry at a large pharma company in Connecticut, I will have to say they were had very progressive benefits and support for employees who were facing challenging, you know, family demands. So, you know, they they offered medical leave if you needed it. I never had to take a leave, but I definitely took advantage of their generous vacation time and and paid holiday time. So I did. I tapped into that a lot, because I think a lot of employees, for whatever reason, they leave a lot of unused vacation time on the table. Why? Why are the why do they do that? You know, use it. Take it. Take that advantage. To spend that time with your family, family and your your your kids, because they need they need you there in person. They need your time. And so the employees, if they're offering it to you, take advantage of it and use that vacation time as much as possible.

Selma:

Wow, that's great. That's That's good advice. Did you did you share that with your employer, that you were a caregiver

Paul Wynn:

in my job? I did decide to share that information with my my supervisor. I had a had I was very fortunate. I had a great manager. She was very supportive of what I was going through. She gave me the flexibility to work from home on Fridays or even other days in the week where I really just needed to be home for my family. And so I know this is a tough, tough issue. For a lot of employees, they're not sure if they should disclose this. Should they keep it private? And it's a personal decision, and I respect that. In my situation, I was able to disclose this to my supervisor. She was a partner in helping me figure out the best way to manage some of the challenges and demands of caregiving.

Selma:

So just curious was the fact that they had such liberal benefits in terms of time off and so forth. Was that influential and making you feel comfortable enough to share with your with your manager? I think it

Paul Wynn:

really had much of an impact. So now, no,

Zack Demopoulos:

well, I'd like to actually delve into something that was influential, and that is your advocacy for caregiving. What has really, in your opinion, influenced you, because you're a fantastic writer. You've written so so much about health and the caregiving world, and so what's what drives you to write all this, or what has driven you to write all this?

Paul Wynn:

You know, Zach, I've been really blessed to have a lot of opportunities to speak to caregivers over the years, and they constantly inspire me every day with their stories and their courage and their dedication to their work. And you know, I have had the opportunity to write about caregiving for many years now, not only for brain and Life magazine, but also now for AARP, even US News and World Report. I've interviewed countless caregivers over the years that are so selfless, you know, and just give so much of themselves to the work that they're they're asked to do. And I think also, you know, there's important opportunity to represent more of the male caregiver voices out there. You know, there's obviously a lot of male caregivers that are are doing this work, especially for their wives, and I think they don't often get the credit or speak up about the work that they're doing. And so I also think it's important as another male caregiver to represent that community. I mean, we'll never be. Largest part of the caregiving community, women are natural caregivers, and that will never change, but I do think males are stepping up more and more. They just don't talk about it, and they also don't show up as much in support groups. You don't see them talking at caregiver conferences as much. They're just a little quieter about the work that they're doing, but they're out there, and there's millions of them

Zack Demopoulos:

on behalf of caregivers all over the country, and we're up to about 63 million according to the most recent report. We thank you, Paul for these conversations that you write about and also that you're having, and the fact that you spoke to your own manager, I think, opened up opportunities indoors. Just like all these interviews that you're having, you're getting a lot of great, great stories, just like we're hearing yours, and we're going to get into it in a minute about your stories that you wrote in your book, those do open doors on that note. I mean, have you heard some good things that maybe employers can be doing to support caregivers. Have some of these stories revealed? Any of that to you? Or what is your research telling you, as far as what we could tell our listeners, or who, by the way, are employers, leaders, HR managers? Yeah.

Paul Wynn:

I mean, listening to you and Selma talk about all the initiatives that are happening out there is definitely a great starting point. What I'm also hearing is, is that more and more employees are starting to think about really the impact on their on their workforce. They're starting to realize that a majority of their workforce are caregivers. And what does that mean? That means that they're being pulled in a million directions and juggling all their work responsibilities and their family responsibilities, it's just too much. It's causing burnout on both ends. And so proactive, progressive employers, I think, are starting to realize this is a bigger and bigger segment of their workforce, and they're starting to put in more benefits, more opportunities, to give them that flexibility that they need in order to juggle both roles.

Zack Demopoulos:

Just one last question, Paul, and that's very encouraging, by the way, because we certainly need it in terms of employers stepping up. And it doesn't just fall on employers shoulders, right? This is society, this is government as well as well as family members. But what about in a scenario where an employee is not as comfortable as you were when you went and spoke to your manager? What suggestions would you have for an employee to kind of be more visible and speak up in the purpose of getting more benefit or getting more support. What would you have any suggestions for that?

Paul Wynn:

Yeah, I would say, you know, have conversations with your fellow employees. I mean, just like you and Selma, you know, you guys bonded over the fact that you were caregivers in the workforce. And so I think finding some you know, comrades, you know, who are also going through this. You know, maybe, maybe, maybe not. The employers benefits are going to change, but just to find other people that can relate to you in in the in the employee setting, I think makes a huge difference for you. And I think you know, also talking to your HR manager, again, it's not for everybody. For many, it's a real personal decision. But you know, at HR, they are supposed to keep all those conversations private and anonymous. So if you do feel comfortable, talk to the HR manager, see, maybe there's benefits that you don't even know about, I mean, and that's so possible, you know, because some of those HR policies are, like, hidden in some, you know, black book, you know, on the shelf, and they don't really talk about them, you know, talk to the HR manager. Maybe there's, maybe there's a little wiggle room that's not even on paper that they would give you, just to be more flexible with all the demands in your in your life.

Zack Demopoulos:

Great suggestions. I really like that, especially about speaking to your peers, because I'll never forget when a millennial caregiver spoke about how she joined a caregiver group and felt completely uncomfortable because nobody had anything in common with her, whereas when you're at your workplace, you at least have that in common. Already. You have an employer, a common employer, you have common work or other things like that. At least, that's a step forward. It will make you more comfortable to share. So I like that great idea, Paul, thank you.

Selma:

So if we, if we can, can we just move to your chapter and the in the book caregivers advocate Volume Two, and your chapter, surviving the sandwich generation years. I love how you started out. The first sentence of that chapter captivated me and just made me want to read the rest of it, which says, when it's your turn to be a caregiver, whose example will you follow? I love that when it's your turn. Turn. It kind of speaks to, you know, what the late Rosalynn Carter said, we're all going to get a turn. So can you just expand on that a little bit and share why you started out with that powerful statement?

Paul Wynn:

Yeah, you know, I was really I was very fortunate. I had several amazing family members who you know just as just truly inspired me by their selflessness when they were caring for other family members, I think, to my my aunts and uncles who cared for my grandparents, they did it without hesitation, with with so much love. And I was really blessed. I didn't even really realize it at the moment when I saw my my mom caring for my grandmother with with just the so much ease, you know, it just was so natural for that generation back then to take care of the older family members. I didn't appreciate it back then, but I certainly do now, and it was my turn to take care of my mom. I was like, Well, I guess I'll just follow her role model. And she she was, she was just the amazing person, so selfless and so patient and never complained. And I'm not saying that's perfect either, because sometimes it's kind of good to get it off your chest a little bit and vent about some of the challenges that you're facing. I'm not sure if I follow that perfect role model with my mom. She was really a saint when it came to that, but I do think I was lucky that I had so many good people in my family to follow in their footsteps, and so that when, you know, was my turn, it came very easy to me. It really was just a natural progression and how families care for each other. It was just challenging, because my own family, my kids, were just so young at the time. And so there was, you know, I didn't have teenage kids, we're talking, you know, little peanuts running around in the backyard wanting, you know, Mom and Dad's attention, and they wanted to play with us every moment. So, you know, I love that time in my life, but it also was just challenging to also balance the needs of the elder, elderly family members. But like I said on my chapter, you know, this, this, this point in your life, you know, for some it may last for a long time, but it also is a moment in time, you know. And my parents, my uncle, they've, you know, they've passed on my kids, they're, they're all growing up, you know. So it's a moment in time. Enjoy it while it lasts. You know, I look back at those years, I'm not sure how I got through them, but I did, and I appreciate what, you know, everything, all the experiences that I had, I don't regret any moments that I did. I wish I could have been there more for them. But again, we're only human. We can only do as much as possible. And I think we also have to give ourselves a little grace that way too

Selma:

absolutely and let go of the guilt, especially as a long distance caregiver, you know, there's guilt of not necessarily being at that place at the time that you know something happens, and there's some guilt that goes with that. And it took me a while to process that as well and let go of it and replace it with grace.

Zack Demopoulos:

That's right. And I got to say, Paul, I really appreciate the emotion that I'm sensing from you as well as the emotion I read. And I'm not going to give it all away, because our listeners need to definitely read your book that you're a part of. And Selma, my partner also is an author of, and we'll put the links in there, but just just the way you described happy hours and and peach schnapps with Nana, the emotion I'm sensitive right now from you, and so I really appreciate you sharing that, because that is what will help others relate and talk more about their journey. So thank you for doing it.

Selma:

Yeah, yeah. You also in your book, you, you, you lay out some strategies, and if you could share a couple of those with us, because those were, I found those really insightful and very helpful as well. Yeah.

Paul Wynn:

So you know, in my chapter, I outline a few strategies that those in the sandwich generation may want to consider in order to try to find the right balance between caring for your older family members and your you know, your young family, but you know, one of the key things I think they should consider is try to find ways to unite both generations together. You know, don't keep the older family members who may be in nursing homes in a little silo, in a little bubble where only you know they're never, they don't ever get to see you know, the young kids anymore. Try to find ways to unite them together. They bring the kids bring such. Joy to the older family members. And it's also important for the younger kids to see what's happening, what's happening to grandma. You know, it's, it's nothing to be ashamed of. If you, if you explain it correctly, and you understand, and you give them a little bit of, little bit of explanation before you, you know, you show up. I think that's only benefits them, because it's part of life, and we shouldn't hide our older family members in nursing homes. We should embrace them. We should include them as much as possible. So I think uniting those the generations, it brings joy to everybody, and it also has good experience that everyone benefits from.

Selma:

Yeah, and one of the strategies which really stuck out for me as well is as you talk about asking for help, and that is really a very difficult thing to do for most people, you know, because we think we can handle it all, but you but you talk about not being Superman, can you talk a little bit more about that?

Paul Wynn:

Another strategy that I outlined in my chapter was really asking for help when you need it. You know, I know this does not come easy to a lot of caregivers. They think they can take it on all themselves. They think they're super human, but it's so important for for everyone, especially caregivers, to ask for help. And I'm talking to all the male caregivers out there right now too. Don't assume that just by asking for help means you're weak. It's actually a sign of strength when you ask for help. And be specific, when you ask for help, don't just generally say, you know, I really could use, use help this weekend, you know, explain to whoever you're asking for some support, whether it's another family member, a neighbor, friend or someone from church. You know, I really could use, you know, help, you know, picking up some groceries for, you know, my uncle, you know, could you, you know, pick up, you know, Sally from her softball game, you know, like, be really specific and detailed about the kind of support you need, so that they know how to support and help you. Otherwise, they're going to just be like, well, I want to help, but I just don't know how to help. I don't know how I can be, you know, beneficial to my friend, who's, you know, raising their hand, and me like, Help. Help. I need. The house is on fire, you know. So I think that's that being specific. I think can really make a difference.

Selma:

Great, yes. So we'll, we'll let that we'll let that be we don't want to go into too many more strategies, because we want our audience to to pick up the book and read the chapter and get the benefit of all that you have to offer. Which I you want to our listeners, you will not be disappointed. It's a great, a great chapter, very, very resourceful.

Zack Demopoulos:

I do want to comment on one though, Selma and the generational bringing them together. I have to say that's the first time I actually have read that, and it makes so much sense. You know, I ran a home care agency for 13 years, and I would see people intentionally keep generations away from each other, as you said, Paul and I want to shout out to Stacy Shui. She has an organization called hands for life, and she's creating assisted livings in other countries, like Africa. And she intentionally is bringing young children like foster children with elderly individuals who don't have families, bringing them together to co inhabitate. It's just powerful, how much they learn from each other the generations, and how how fulfilling that is for their lives. I mean, I think that's fantastic. And you, you made a point of that with your your own son and your father in the room. And I think that's that's really, that's really powerful. So I appreciate you sharing that I do want you know, one of our favorite questions to ask is always, you know, with all this wealth of experience that you have and lived experiences, if you were to go back to the beginning, like you were, I think, married only one year, and then you're taking care of your father. Is that correct? That's right. Yeah. So if you were to go back to let's just say the year you were married, you haven't really fallen to the caregiving role yet. This is especially for sandwich generation. Folks. Please listen in what advice would you give Paul if you could go back in time and share with all that you know now,

Paul Wynn:

yeah, I would. There's a lot that I would redo

Unknown:

that's a new book.

Paul Wynn:

If I could go back in time, I would definitely try to find a book like the caregivers advocate Volume Two to read a. Other people's stories, learn from their experiences, understand what you could do differently as a caregiver, I would absolutely join a support group. Now, I think sometimes it can be challenging to find a support group where you feel like you fit in. And you know, if I'm, you know, a guy in my mid 30s trying to find a support group with other peers, it might be challenging, I'm not going to lie, but you know, you got to keep trying. You got to keep looking for support groups where you feel like you're going to connect with others. And I think that can make a huge difference in the trajectory of your caregiving. I think it not only supports your mental and emotional stability, but I think it also gives you a lot of good ideas that you just would never have thought of on your own, because the most cases, we're all just learning as we go. We're learning on the job. So who better to learn from, but other caregivers doing the exact same thing you're doing. So I would definitely recommend reading, doing support groups, and then the also, the third thing I would have said is, I wish I had also gone to a conference. I wish I would have met people in person. I'm an outgoing guy. I'm extrovert, so I I feed off of other people's energy. So I would have really enjoyed meeting people in person, hearing their stories, learning from them. Maybe your best friend is waiting out there for you in a support group or caregiving conference, and you don't even know it because you haven't tried. And so I would recommend all three of those things, if I had to do it all over again,

Zack Demopoulos:

that that's awesome. That's fantastic reflection. I'm going to put you on a spot, though. One One more thing, let's add to that list, and that's podcasts. You wrote a great article. We'll put a link in it, in our show notes about great podcasts in the caregiver space. So which one's your favorite podcast? Paul,

Paul Wynn:

besides, besides this one,

Zack Demopoulos:

all right, we'll let you off the hook. Give us your top three that our listeners if they don't have a lot of time, because I agree with you having this resource would have been very helpful for me back in 2007 trust me, in 2006 so but if you were to give away three top podcasts that our listeners could maybe check out if they have enough time for three, what would you suggest? Off top your head, you

Paul Wynn:

know, if I had to redo my caregiving years, I definitely would have tuned in to podcasts. The problem is, back when I was caregiving, there were no podcasts. Oh, that was true. That was not a thing back then, you know, because this was all pre covid, you know, so, like, you know, maybe, but there wasn't even, like, really, radio shows, you know, focused on caregiving back then. So, you know, this is a new opportunity for caregivers, actively doing it right now. There's so many more resources and virtual resources that they can tap into to help bolster their confidence, to learn from others, to feel supported, emotionally, mentally, to help, help you through some of those dark days when caregiver burnout really starts to set in, and it's going to set in at some point, we're all we all get tired, we all get overwhelmed, and we just, we don't even Know how to move forward, or how to you know how to figure it out the next day. So I think these podcasts, these support groups, conferences, books, all of this, it just all supports the caregiving community, and I think we're richer for it,

Zack Demopoulos:

and we're gonna let you off the hook. You're right. There's actually too many to name, but you those are some great points, and I will say that the greatest benefit I've had from listening to podcasts is the vulnerability that people are more comfortable to share. Yeah, and that does help me open up and talk more about my own caregiving experiences. So you're right. Those are great to have those folks in our ears. I hope podcasters keep, keep doing it, because we need you. Thank

Selma:

you. Yeah, Zach mentioned, or actually, I think Paul, you mentioned this at the beginning of our show today. If Zach and I hadn't opened up and talked to each other about our caregiving experiences, we wouldn't be sitting here today talking to you and have the show and this business. So it's really important. It really is, and we suggest people try it. Just try it out and see what you think. But in closing, we want to know or share with our audience how people can get connected with you, Paul, how they can find those great articles that you've written and take a look at your chapter and you. And so forth.

Paul Wynn:

Yeah, the best way to reach me is through my website. It's very simple. Paul winn.com you'll have little information about my work as a patient advocacy consultant, as a co author to the caregivers advocate Volume Two, and all my contact information is on there, including my LinkedIn profile. So check it out. Check out the stories I've written. Check out the book, please if you want to. It's available on amazon.com, or full copies are also available through my website. So I hope you'll check it out, because there's a lot of great resources, a lot of good chapters that you'll learn from

Selma:

everybody. Hold their book up.

Zack Demopoulos:

Selma autographed her chapter. Are you gonna autograph your chapter for me? Paul, I hope I would love to. I'll come up and catch a game, game with you, which, by the way, just a little trivia on the side. We actually lost our I think he was a Cub Scout at the time. Marc, one of our Cub Scouts when we were there for for a football game and but we found him about 10 minutes later. That was panicky. But other than that, I agree with you. I agree with you the Army and Navy game. Was it? Army, Navy? Yeah, that was just amazing to watch at West Point.

Paul Wynn:

Beautiful. Yeah. I still go over there for Scout day at West Point games.

Selma:

Well, thank you so much, Paul. It's been wonderful chatting with you, and thank you for your wonderful insights, and we totally appreciate the advocacy work and the writing that you do to enlighten us all. So thank you so much for being here today,

Paul Wynn:

and thank you for being a co author, along with me and the caregivers advocate volume too. It was really awesome to be part of this project with you.

Selma:

So it was great fun. It was great fun.

Zack Demopoulos:

Thank you both guys. Thank you.

Unknown:

Thank you for tuning in, be sure to catch new episodes of working caregivers the invisible employees podcast every other Tuesday. Please also visit our website, invisible employee advocates.com to subscribe to our newsletter, purchase our book and learn more about how we can help you strengthen your workplace to become more supportive of working caregivers the.